Me and The "No-Poo" Movement

  By nature, I am a constipated woman.

Apparently, born that way. When I became of age, my parents would reminisce about the old glory days and the many nights of inserting glycerin enemas into their little girl’s bottom at a very young and tender age.

Owned shares in Ex-lax during my primary school years.

Had my first hemorrhoid at age 14.

Yes, it was accompanied by a horrific rectal itch that was only relieved by my new bestie, Preparation-H.

A week before I gave birth to my son, I had a hemorrhoid “gone wild” situation. The nurse in the Emergency ward took one look at it and screamed:”That is the biggest “PILE”, I have ever seen before she promptly fainted.

I jest about the fainting but not about the fact I was the proud titleholder of “the biggest hemorrhoid” the Mississauga General Hospital ever LANCED.

Ah, you gotta love my depraved sense of brinksmanship.

However, unwillingly…….I have become a member of another kind of “no poo” movement during the past, oh maybe, 5 years.

Joining this club is relatively easy…..you just don’t wash your hair…..like….for a long time.

Get it!

It is the no (Sham)poo movement.

The idea of shampooing less frequently may make you cringe.

(Like this woman who DIDN’T SHAMPOO FOR 5 YEARS?) But according to certain hair experts and anti-shampoo advocates—some who follow what’s known as the “no ‘poo movement”—lathering up every day is unnecessary at best, and potentially harmful to your tresses (as well as the Earth) at worst. Shampoo has been around for less than a century, after all, and only in the last few decades has it become a daily essential. But before you banish hair products, consider the facts behind this new fad. While no-‘poo proponents claim less is always more, some stylists and health experts aren’t convinced. (“Should you go “no” poo ? by Amanda McMillan. http://www.health.com/health/gallery/0,,20788089,00.html

In my twenties, thirties and forties, I washed my hair 5 days a week.

I was very much a “victim” of this almost daily ceremony. It was a very North American thing.

And, I must add, I was a very greasy girl back then. I would be far too easy on myself by admitting to be……just an “oily” girl.

Yep, in those days, all I had to do was put my hair into a ponytail bend over my salad bowl….twist that sebaceous stuff out of my mane……add balsamic vinegar, salt and pepper to taste….give a final toss (to both hair and salad) and you invariably had what I named “The Easy Greasy Girl’s Salad.”

The”no poo” people believe that shampoo removes the natural oils produced by the scalp—causing the scalp to produce more oil to compensate. Regular shampooing becomes a “vicious cycle” as it becomes necessary to shampoo regularly to compensate for the excess oils produced by the scalp.

Dermatologists believe that a gradual reduction in shampooing will cause the sebaceous glands to produce at a slower rate, resulting in less oil on the scalp and hair.

Like I said, I was not a volunteer to this movement.

Chronic depression stopped me from being able to wash my hair. I could bathe and brush my teeth but to wash my hair….well……..simply put…..my equivalent to the stations of the cross.

And, I have found some validity to cutting back on shampooing my hair.I, no longer, suffer from dandruff.

The purest form of “No poo” is to use only water to wash hair, however there are other approaches possible by people wishing to avoid oil-stripping substances and chemicals that they consider unnecessary for the maintenance of their hair. Methods for washing hair without shampoo include just washing your hair with water.

Baking soda followed by diluted white or apple cider vinegar is also very popular and of course, the really trendy coconut oil is getting rave reviews also.

I, for one, am still using my regular shampoo but less frequently.

If I weren’t chronically depressed, I know I would happily turn my “no-poo” membership card over to the “no-pooers’ in a New York minute.

And, if my phone rang and Jon Hamm was on the other end asking me out for dinner, I couldn’t get my tresses under the tap fast enough.

Oh, and about that other problem I have…very rarely, do I have hemorrhoids these days, but when I do……now, believe you me….THAT IS THE REAL REASON WHY GODCREATED COCONUT OIL.