I am depressed.
I am swimming in debt.
I am dowdy.
It is September of 2010 and apparently I am serotonin sufficient but dopamine deprived. As the great poet Jane Kenyon wrote.....We try a new drug....
Cymbalta is the drug du jour.
I apply for work at a call center.
I get the job.
I see HIM.
I think I am falling in love.....
Gentle Readers: THE FINAL CHAPTER!!!!!!
AT LAST!
If you have been an avid follower of mine since October of 2012 when I started this blog, well, you know the story BUT if you are a new reader, I shall give you the skinny about what happened to this seemingly never ending tale.
We shall start with the longing for a love that could never have a happy ending, and the dream to become the next Nora Ephron because the great love of his life (they were together for over a decade) was a 5 time National Newspaper award winning journalist with Canada's leading national newspaper.
Did I mention that she was a beautiful blonde who descended from a family of media giants who just happened to be named national treasures when I Googled them?
My father was a welder.
A competent welder, but still just a welder.
By 2010, I am not exactly a prize never mind a national treasure.
I had seen better days.
I mean, I still had some leftover charm from my salad days BUT still whatever, I do to get this evangelical-born-again-christian's attention, he ain't buying the goods because he is a GOOD BOY!!!
Get the picture?
We only get to first base but that is fine with me because all he had to do was look at me and I would get "WARM ALL OVER, WARM ALL OVER, GONE WERE ALL OF THE CLOUDS THAT USED TO SWARM ALL OVER."
Oh, the RUSH.
The chemical reaction.
I think I am in love.
Apparently, they do these kinds of scientific experiments on baby rats and the baby rats' levels of oxytocin, serotonin AND dopamine rise to unbelievably high levels.
This is SCIENCE.
In reality, I find out that I have a man rat who already has his own baby rat in the South Pacific. Yup, in August of 2013, he travels to the Philippines to finally meet his little baby rat whom he has been texting, Yahoo messengering it up and whatever else they can do on the internet.
You are with me, right?
Fuck, so we got all kinds of addictions going on here, We got the dopamine addiction, the internet addiction, the love addiction and the I am going to be the next Nora Ephron addiction.
I write SEVERAL blog posts with hilarious titles such as: "Twerking In Tagalog", "Catfishing in the South Pacific." Yes, I catfish the little baby rat and find out she is fifteen years old.
I develop an addiction to catfishing.
He catfishes me, I catfish him.
When we are catfishing, I am drenched in dopamine. My synapses, my neurotransmitters, my chemical reactions are rocketing over the moon. When I am off the internet, I sink into the abyss of suicidal depression.
Early in the fall of 2016, he phones me from a bar in my neighborhood and in a mad, crazed dopamine state, I rush over there as fast as I can and I take one look at him and "I AM WARM ALL OVER, WARM ALL OVER, GONE ARE ALL THE CLOUDS THAT USED TO SWARM ALL OVER" feeling all over again.
Just for more flavor, add in the lying addiction. I become addicted to his lies. Add alcohol to the mix and the Police get involved in an altercation we have when I run out after him during an argument.
Boxing Day 2017, he arrives with a Walmart gift certificate in hand and a cheap box of chocolates. I get warm all over....you got the routine by now. He even tells me the gift card was meant for another woman.
Had enough yet?
#Me Too.
Well, about a month ago, he dropped by after Bible College class with some doughnuts and coffee for me.
Remember that girl in "A Chorus Line"? The character who goes to the method acting class taught by Mr. Karp and she goes through all of those acting exercises and he asks her what she feels and she tells him "NOTHING."
Yes, finally, after almost a decade of games, addictions and ONLY GOD KNOWS WHAT, I became that girl.
I felt NOTHING.
And NOTHING might just be the perfect placebo for this woman, Hopefully, it might even be my next addiction.
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